My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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