he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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