I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
