I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
