haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
