I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
