If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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