I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
