mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
