Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
