FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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