I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
