wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
