dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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