You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
