k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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