Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
