Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
