hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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