I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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