how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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