can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
