I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
