The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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