it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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