I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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