I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
