What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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