I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
