There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
