today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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