Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
