ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
