Im at strip club and am horny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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