shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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