They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
