if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
