i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
