I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
