We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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