Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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