oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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