I think my vagina is haunted
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
