he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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