NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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