cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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