If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
