If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
