just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
