Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
