But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
