so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
