I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
