no you cant smoke seaweed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
