I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
